Techno Viking Identity Revealed


The Reveal

“Jesus, you are him!”

Mr. Ackerman AKA The Techno Viking
Mr. Ackerman AKA The Techno Viking

Mr. Ackerman led us inside to his living area and began to tell his story.

“I never wanted to be famous. It was all a mistake. A terrible, drug induced mistake,” he started, now clipping a pink plant of some sort. “I hope you don’t mind me pruning while I talk. It helps me relax.”

Gunther explained he was working as a lumberjack at the time of the video, and had many colleagues that “loved to party”.

“We would buy an ounce of base speed between us every weekend and head to free parties around Germany. Man, the comedown off that shit was hell”.

He said he had been awake for four days straight before the historic footage was taken and that he had no idea he was being filmed by Fritsch.

“The fucking snake had the camera resting on his lap. If I had to have known at the time I would have crushed him like a flower,” he explained, caressing the plant he was holding, whispering to it. “Not you honey, I would never crush you. Mwah!”

“Some young fella was acting the maggot and pushed one of the girls, Jessica. He was off his chuck so I left him off with a warning and a good point. Pointing is always good when lads are off their faces. You can’t beat a good point”.

Explaining his dance moves he said: “I just got in the flow I guess. My adrenaline was rushing. I remember grinding my teeth for a good week after that festival. In bits I was; like Lego”.

Gunther said he left the lumberjack business in 2002, after being fired for misconduct.

“Yeah, I got angry at one of the lads and I punched a tree. But the tree fell on top of my supervisor and broke his leg. They don’t make speed like that any more,” he laughed.

The then 26-year-old began studying to be a biologist in Berlin and later secured a job as head researcher for the University he attended.

“It’s a long cry from chomping down bags of base speed, necking pills and maintaining order at dance festivals, but I love it, you know?”

Gunther then went into introducing his long-time partner Steven, showing us a picture from his mantelpiece.

“That’s Stevie plums there. Isn’t he a catch?” he asked, now pointing at us for a positive reply.

“Oh yes! Yes, he’s gorgeous. You’re a very lucky man,” I replied, scared shitless. “Does Steve know about your past as the Techno Viking?”

“Well, yes. Steve is the guy wearing the black vest in the video – the guy I threatened. That night we hooked up and had the best sex of our lives. We got married last year”.

Realising our earlier misjudgement, I apologised to Gunther about our initial shock when he first revealed himself to us.

“Oh, that’s okay. I’m a right nerd at the back of it all. I hope I didn’t bore you to tears here.”

“Not at all,” John replied, hinting at me to make moves home. “Thanks for having us”.

With that, Gunther drove us back to the city. This time we gave him our full attention, listening to every single syllable of his roadside plant lecture, obeying with nods and gestures, pretending to be interested in his stunning ability to bore people to death.

Via: waterfordwhispersnews